Thursday, March 15, 2012

Sore Loser

Like most women (except my mother - she doesn't like to be touched), I cannot imagine any greater bliss than spending a day at the spa, being rubbed down, oiled, cossetted and fretted over.  Like many women, I do not have the time or disposable income to indulge in this solipsistic past time.  Unlike most women, however, I have a grand sense of entitlement, and figure that I DESERVE to be able to go to the spa, since I have 5.6 kids, am suffering from the "worst case of varicose veins" my doctor has ever seen (although bless that man, he keeps saying how "tiny" I am - even though I have gained 25 pounds and still have an entire TRIMESTER to pork up), and live in Tulsa.  Such are the grave troubles of my life. 

So when a local spa was sponsoring a Mother's Day giveaway for an "Absolute Peace Spa Package," which included a massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, haircut, eye treatment (what IS that?), style and LUNCH, for freak's sake - you would have to spend the WHOLE day at the spa - I was determined I was going to win this sucker.  The contest started in early March, and had unlimited entry; all you had to do was type in your information ad nauseum.  So about 10 times per day, I entered my name, address, et cetera, every time I passed my darn computer. 

Today was the day they drew the winner.  I was sure that with all my entries - who else would be so silly and bored to enter as many times as I had?! - would guarantee that spa day was ALL MINE.  I had even tentatively picked out my day to go.

I didn't win.  Some wench named Jamie won.  GRRRRRRRRRRR.

So Jamie, I hope you are pregnant with your seventh child, have gained tons of weight, are exhausted and, like me, have no money to spend on spa treatments. 

If, however, you have 1.8 kids, a trust fund, and will be scheduling your spa day after a grueling session with your personal trainer, I hope you feel VERY VERY guilty for cruelly wrenching this day at the spa out of my hot little hands. 

Of COURSE I'm kidding. 

Mostly.

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