Tuesday, February 28, 2012

This Is Why I Can't Blog To Save My Life Lately

When I was working long long ago at a Big Four accounting firm, pregnant with my first child, I remember a guy (who always wanted to go to lunch with me; why?  Was he actually so desperate for company that he had to hit on a pregnant woman?) who told me his wife always went insane at about 5 months pregnant.  I thought at the time:  bah!  He only has two kids; what kind of sample size is that? 

But I think he might have been on to something, because I feel like a total nutcase lately.  I have this big question hanging in my head, but that can't explain everything:  crying at Disney songs?  Crying during the Oscars?  They were TERRIBLE this year!  What in the freak is wrong with  me?  And my dear Sylvie has reverted to waking up once, sometimes twice, each night - which means that if I start mentally nit-picking something, I just LIE there.  And lie.  And lie. 

In some ways this pregnancy has been so much easier:  I have stayed away from Baby Center Message Boards which cause me to fret about every little blip and bleep, and my (new, hot) doctor does such quick ultrasounds that there really is no room for me to worry or fret; I haven't even had a choroid plexus cyst to obsess over this time.  So if there's something to worry about, I will end up being surprised (which is maybe a good thing anyway). 

And really, when you have five kids already, you hardly think about the fact that you are having a baby sometime in the hazy future.  With your first, that is ALL you think about.  And you expect that everyone within your personal five mile radius is thinking about that very fact TOO.

But mentally?  This has been the hardest pregnancy ever.  Thank goodness I haven't had real issues - a friend had to have gallbladder surgery, for freak's sake, right in mid pregnancy.  My issues are just garden variety mental whackness. 

Oh, right.  That's ALWAYS my issue, isn't it.

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