There's No Such Thing as Jinxing. Right?

Have you noticed the posting around here has been a bit lackluster? A bit tired?

Well, here's my excuse: I've been busy...gestating.

Many of you know about my loss last fall, which I blogged about ad nauseum. And then, in December, I had another positive pregnancy test. I started bleeding heavily a week later, which was obviously so effing depressing I didn't even write about it.

So it is with great trepidation and guarded hope that I tell you all I'm knocked up. AGAIN.

Yes, for all of you keeping track, that's a lot of snogging.

What has given me great comfort this time is this: almost from the beginning, I have felt like doggie doo. Nauseous. And I NEVER felt like that with my loss. I'm fortunate that I don't puke my brains out like a lot of women in the first trimester, but I have been functioning under varying degrees of blechiness throughout the day. Certain foods I cannot even THINK about, let alone EAT. Fresh fruit? Ughh. Vegetables? Oh my GAWD. There was one night I could fathom eating nothing but pot stickers (which PVT obligingly fetched for me). In the mid-afternoon I have to keep up a constant intake of goldfish or saltines.

Who knew I'd be grateful to feel like I've had the world's longest hangover?

I suppose propriety would dictate that I refrain from telling you all until the end of the first trimester (I still have a few weeks to go). But phooey to propriety. If I lose this one too, I will need all the help I can get. And that's where you will come in.

Even if that happens, though, I do realize this is our "bonus" child. That so many women go through far, far worse. Each night I troll the Babycenter message boards,trying to divine whether I will have a healthy baby amidst all the chatter, and so many women have had three, four, EIGHT miscarriages. Stillborns. Or even lost an infant. It's enough to make you want to curl up in the fetal position and and weep for days (with your legs firmly crossed).

So...here's hoping that I get to have this baby #5. Five children. Where we VT's officially cross the line from noteworthy to traveling freakshow.