I swear. If I see any more articles on how expensive it is to raise a child, I am going to impale myself on a pair of old stilettos. $221,000? Times...FOUR? So PVT and I are supposed to come up with...ALMOST A MILLION DOLLARS in between now and when they hopefully leave our home permanently as semi-functioning adults?
Yes, kids are very expensive! From the necessities - diapers, Capri Suns, McNuggets, clothing, schooling, to the discretionary stuff - Webkinz! Wii! Piano lessons! Soccer teams! GYMBOREE!
BUT! I have yet to see an article on all the money you SAVE once you have at least one spawn, but probably two or three. Think of all those four-hour-eight-cocktail dinners you used to have with your spouse before you had kids at $175 a pop. Well, do you EVER do that now, if you have more than two kids? PVT and I do it maybe twice a year - getting the sitter, calming the egos regarding said sitter, and forking over the cash to said sitter is TOO. FREAKING. EXHAUSTING.
And trips! Vacations! We only go to Seattle now, where we can freeload at my Hotel My Parents for a couple of weeks. No more all-inclusives or Hawaiian junkets or hops to Cabo San Lucas...because taking a vacation with kids is really WORKING OVERTIME.
And shopping? How many times do I think I really need something, and do the mental calculations of loading the four of them up, having to stop for a snack and a drink on the way, schlepping them all in, keeping track of them all, making two potty runs, and leaving the store in the middle of a tantrum? And decide I don't need ANYTHING that badly, and stay home without having spent a dime?
No more nice work lunches - 75% of my caloric intake is kids' crumbs! We don't buy art, or nice furniture - why bother until they're out of the house?
And we hardly pay any taxes - procreating like rabbits and having a huge mortgage on one income is a real tax haven for insane people.
So, what have we saved there? At least $49 K a year...right?
I'll just tell myself that. Until my next overpowering Nordstrom urge where I wipe half of that savings out in one online session.